Romance is one of those magical experiences that makes life worth living. But in many ways it's a fragile thing that requires a certain amount of nuturing to help it blossom into a strong and lasting love.
Skye Thomas offers some great tips on how to encourage and maintain a loving relationship in her article titled To Know You Is To Love You.
How do you show someone you love them?
Do you buy them expensive gifts?
Spend quality time together?
Make personal sacrifices just to see them smile?
Dedicate a song to them?
Write a love letter or note of encouragement?
Become their cheerleader?
Those are all wonderful things to do
but my question goes deeper than those types of activities, even beyond
your romantic partner. Think about your parents, your children, your best
friend, your sister, or your brother...anyone you love. How do you really
show them that you love them? Reverse the question if you like - how do
you really know if someone loves you?
The answer lies in getting to know them. To truly love someone is to
care about them to the very depth of who and what they are: what they
believe, what they like, what they dislike, how they respond under
pressure. It's so much more than what's their favorite color, who's their
favorite musician, or all-time favorite movie?
It's knowing that they don't
like fruit flavors in their colas, no cherry or lemon cokes. It's knowing
just what temperature she likes her bubble bath. It's knowing that he
prefers wearing cotton and why. It's knowing the perfect birthday present
when they didn't even know what to ask for. It's looking at each other
across a room and sharing a private joke without saying a word. Loving
someone is the ability to see past the polite response to "How's it
going?" and knowing that they really aren't "Fine, thanks."
How do you get to that point? You watch them. You observe them. You ask
them questions. You really listen to their answers. You figure it out. Why
do you put so much time and energy into it? Because you love them. Because
they fascinate you. Because you really don't have anything more important
to do with your time. You are really truly present. You don't ever stop.
How many relationships fizzle because we simply grow apart? We grow apart
because we aren't paying attention to each other anymore. We are no longer
connected.
Maybe you're bitter because your own needs aren't being met. Fair
enough. It sucks to be in a one-sided relationship. No argument there.
Tell them. Tell them you feel ignored, unimportant, distant, like it just
isn't special anymore.
Tell your mother you miss being really connected
and close. Tell your lover you feel like the two of you are running on
autopilot and it just isn't that incredible close relationship that you
once had. Tell your teenager that you hate the distance that's growing
between you. Reach out afterwards and ask them to share their heart's
secrets with you. "Tell me who you are. Tell me what you dream of. Tell
me, do you still love chocolate ice cream with Oreos on the side for
breakfast? Tell me what your soul's made of, and I'll tell you about
mine." Then listen, really listen. Hear their answers.
Nobody can truly be close to me and not know that Melissa Etheridge
sings to my soul. You can't listen to her song Talking To My Angels and
not think of me. If you really loved me enough to know me personally,
you'd know that they'll be playing her song, This War Is Over at my
funeral some day. You'd know that I long to visit Ireland and that I love
fairies because I think they're our guardian angels. You'd know about
"those two people" that I write these articles and stories for. You'd know
what "the Winnebago Years" are all about. You'd know that when I'm really
angry and losing control that you need to distract me with something
logical to wrap my brain around and I'll suddenly start pulling myself
back together. You'd know that lying is my biggest pet peeve.
What do I know about the people I love? I know that she doesn't drink
caffeine anymore and always orders strawberry lemonades when we go to
lunch. I know when he lies to protect me and when he lies to protect
himself. I know by the look in their eyes when my children are starting
to get sick. I know why she keeps trying to become a vegetarian and why
she fails at it. I know that music haunts his soul even though he's stuck
working as a salesman. What would I know about you if I loved you enough
to really get to know you?
Are we so wrapped up in ourselves, our careers, our own personal
schedules and goals that we forget to really connect with our loved ones?
When was the last time you really checked into the hearts and minds of
those you profess to love? We all change, grow, evolve. Are they still the
same people you fell in love with? How would you know? I'm not who I was
fifteen or twenty years ago, or even the same person I was five years ago.
Are you? Are they?
What's the greatest gift you can give someone? Your full attention and
focus. Take the time to really get to know them after all these years.
Fall in love with them all over again. Get to know them as if you've just
met. Of course you have to honor their secrets, be loyal, don't use the
information to play power games or to ever belittle them. That destroys
trust. Use the information to pick out the perfect Valentine's gift, to
plan the perfect vacation, to surprise them with a movie they've never
seen but will love, or to simply bring them their coffee with the perfect
amount of cream and sugar before they even realized that they wanted
some.
It can be as simple as asking them, "Tell me about yourself. Tell me
what the world looks like through your eyes." Create the little moments
that say 'I love you' by knowing what 'I love you' looks like to them.
© 2004 Skye Thomas, Tomorrow's Edge
About The Author
Skye Thomas began writing books and articles with an everyday practical
approach to life in 1999 after twenty years of studying spirituality,
metaphysics, astrology, personal growth, motivation, and parenting. After
years of high heels and business clothes, she is currently enjoying
working from home in her pajamas. Go to http://www.tomorrowsedge.net to read more of her articles
and to get a free preview of one of her books. Or e-mail Skye@TomorrowsEdge.net
Article Source: EzineArticles.com
Some excellent thoughts on the importance of real communication. 
